Monday, April 20, 2009

Baby When We're Grinding It's Not Delighting

Remember that 90s jam from Next, “Too Close?” Need a refresher? It goes something like this: “Baby, when we’re grinding/ I get so excited/ Ooh how I like it/ I try but I can’t fight it.”

And then the girl goes: “Step back you’re dancing kinda close/ I feel a little poke coming through/ on you.”

I’ll admit, as an innocent grade schooler at the time, I had no idea what this song was Really about. I just thought it had a nice beat. This song’s been getting a lot of airplay recently on the Rockford station 97ZOK. And as a grown woman, I have to say, this song perfectly describes the awkward experience that is grinding.

I’ve been meaning to write about this for quite a while now but haven’t had enough time to hammer out a post that would do the topic justice.

As a woman, how many times have you been innocently getting down on the dance floor with your girls (or whomever) when all of a sudden, your backside has been assaulted by a desperate male. He might start off just dancing up on you, which at first, I’ll admit can be flattering, in the way that getting hit on can be flattering and (not always) kind of gross at the same time. But then he gets into it (and gets hornier) and next thing you know, he’s grinding you, essentially humping your butt, no longer to any sort of rhythm.

“Dude, step back. You’re dancing kinda close,” might be your reaction. But just like in the song, desperate guy likes the sensation too much and refuses to move. You walk away, dance all up on your girls, try every possible method of diversion you can think of, and he still doesn’t get it. He persists in his awkward humping. What’s a dance-loving girl to do?

I’ll share an experience. When I was in Austin, my girlfriends and I went out to this really fun bar on 6th Street that featured a huge dance floor. Shortly after I got there, a dance partner found me. At first, I was flattered. “Alright, I still have it” I thought. But after a while, this guy turned into a nuisance. He was aggressive, thrusting into me, wandering with his hands, and he kept twirling me around in attempt to kiss me. This guy was the definition of desperate. I pushed him away several times, turned my face away from him many more times, and just plain rejected his lunch date offer. This guy really didn’t get the hint. I rejected him more than I’ve ever rejected anyone in my life but, he just kept coming back and grinding up on me. At some point, I just gave up and allowed him to do this behind me while I danced to the actual beat and focused on having a good time with my friends.

I in no way felt I was leading this guy on. Yet someone later commented that this desperate guy came to dance floor with clear intentions. By dancing with him, I was somehow the guilty party. Or maybe just by dancing provocatively, I was inviting this kind of behavior. I like to booty dance; I won’t apologize for it.

On another occassion, my coworker and I were talking about going out to dance. She mentioned that dancing for single twentysomethings is all about finding a sexual partner at the end of the night. Now that she’s older (and married), dancing’s about having fun with one’s friends. But I take issue with that.

If at the end of the night, I’ve meet a decent guy on the dance floor (is this possible?), I would entertain the idea of going on a date with him or seeing where the night leads us. But when I go out dancing, I have no intentions other than having my desire to dance fulfilled. Generally, I just want to have fun with friends. Honestly, I’ve just got a dance itch that needs to be scratched.

What’s your take on grinding? Does it turn you on? Do you find it annoying? Is it just whatever? Something you’ve gotten used to? When you go out dancing are you just going out dancing? Or is the goal of your night to hook up with a stranger? Is it different for men and women?

As a woman, I’m generally left grossed out by the exchange, based on the type of guy who chooses to grind up on me. Maybe if the guy made himself more attractive to me, I wouldn’t feel so dirty. Maybe it’d turn me on. But I have yet to find a grinder I could be attracted to.

- D


Anonymous said...

The person who said you were the guilty party or inviting this kind of behavior is completely wrong.

On the other hand, from the persistent grinder's perspective, sure, you rejected him but you eventually acquiesced -- which to him was probably just as good as accepting him from the get-go.

Christine said...

But i love this song :/

Rachel said...

Why can't going dancing be just that: dancing. Why is there the expectation of more? People just can't take life at face value sometimes...